you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
