Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
