I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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