Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
