He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
