i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
