That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
