Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
