im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
