i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
