So drunk, too bad you don't want this
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
