Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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