Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i drank out of a bidet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
