You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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