Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
