We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
