Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
