Sponge bath it is.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
