My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize