I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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