my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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