someone get that fucking seahorse.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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