i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
