i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
