finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
