And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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