And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
