vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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