Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she told me i tasted like america
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
