He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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