Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
