I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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