Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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