So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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