I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize