I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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