your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
