the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize