I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
