is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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