theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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