Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
