so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
