I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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