I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
