thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My balls are so social today.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
