come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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