If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How does one acquire holy water?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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