You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
