How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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