I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
