East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
