We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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