Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
