Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think people are normalizing furries
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
