Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
