Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
