Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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