I'm drive I can fine osifer
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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