The maid of honor just puked.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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