forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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