This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
