I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
