don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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