thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
