Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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