hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
