I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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