apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
