If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
