How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
