Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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