You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
