You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
