Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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