Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
