He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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